Seeing Him the First Time (Being Engaged to an Elder)

Sunlight melted over my purple sheets. It was the only familiar thing to me as I opened my eyes and felt like the ceiling (which was just a foot above my head from my position on the top bunk) would eat me.

I was at the MTC. I'd survived my first day. I was still a missionary and still alive and all those goodbyes had been real.

My heart was swollen. It was so thick I could feel it lodged in my throat. This was real.

I felt a new apprehension assault me.

When would I see Him?

Him being my fiance, who was serving a neighboring Asian mission in Taiwan. Yes, we were engaged. Yes, we are in the 'over 25 group'. Yes, somehow we had been selected to be in the MTC together.

It had been two weeks since we'd said our goodbye. I could still taste my tears.

We had gotten engaged a few months earlier, only to realize that we were definitely meant to serve missions. So we hung the ring on a shelf (safely in my mom's closet) and threw ourselves into the process of doctor visits and paper work.

It was all a roller coaster blur. Everything was in warp speed until that moment when we had our last kiss under a tree. That moment was something I would never forget. His tears flowed with mine as I tried to push all my fears and doubts away.

"We'll take it on faith," we said. "One step at a time."

Three thousand and ten steps later I was at the MTC, wondering what it would be like to see him.

I had missed him like crazy for the two weeks he was gone, and I had decided that since I wouldn't be able to spoil him once I was a missionary, I took it as my personal mission to spoil him for those two weeks with treats, packages, cards, letters...everything and anything.

Once I was a missionary, I was determined that all of our exchanges would be on the 'gospel' side of things. We had decided to leave our personal relationship out of it. Out of our letters. Out of our minds. If we were going to do this crazy thing, we decided it may as well be done as right as we knew how.

And that was putting our missions first. There would be time for 'us' later.

My poor companion basically held my hand as we made our way down to breakfast. One of the sisters who lodged down the hall from us stopped us, "Hey, are you Sister Mardesich? Some elder has been looking for you everywhere."

I swallowed. Some elder.

As we entered the cafeteria I was engulfed by the excited frenzy of all the missionaries as they bustled their breakfasts to and from the tables. My companion had a wheat allergy, so she left me to go to her special area where they have all the wheat free food.

I said a quick prayer.

Heavenly Father, help me to be strong. Help me not to cry, or fall over, or jump up and down...help me help me helpmehelpme...

I worked my way through the crowd, not sure if I would see Him here, or somewhere else. A huge part of me was scared of seeing him. Another part of me wanted to get it over with. Another part of me just wanted...

"Hey." I heard a familiar voice, warm and happy, tap my shoulder.

My heart tripped. I turned.

He was grinning ear to ear. Full of light. Full of happiness. He had his camera out and quickly snapped a shot of my dumbfounded face. "I want to remember this," he joked.

Suddenly it was alright. I knew we were exactly where we were supposed to be. He was SO full of happiness and light, I knew he was where HE was supposed to be.

It was all gonna be okay.

Thank you, God. :)

From engaged to Missionary